Struggle Reminds You That You’re Doing Something Big
Struggle Reminds You That You’re Doing Something Big
How An Unmemorized TEDx Talk Showed Me How Far I Could Stretch
Photo by Cathy Browne
The most terrifying moment of my life was when I realized that I didn’t have my 8 minute TEDx talk memorized before I got up on stage.
The thought of drawing a blank in front of a live, hundred-person audience and then have the talk forever memorialized on YouTube was sweat-inducing.
I spent a few months practicing my TEDx talk in my free time. When I flew into Vancouver a few days prior to my talk, I walked around the city listening to a voice recording of my talk on repeat in hopes that I could work some voodoo on my brain.
I spent 12 hours a day in Vancouver trying to get over the last few hiccups of my talk. It didn’t work.
I didn’t do a perfect run of my talk before I got up on stage.
Practice may make perfect, but it also may not get you to the finish line.
Life’s a coin toss sometimes and no matter how much thinking, practice, and time you put into something, it may not pay off.
You may put a ton of due diligence into making sure that a specific investment for your business is full-proof, but it may end up being a complete waste of money.
You may put 5 years into building a business but have a rude awakening on day 1,825 that the only way forward is to shutter your doors.
The only way to know for sure which side of the coin your toss is going to land on is to flip, make the jump.
I had no idea what was going to happen once I got up on that stage, it was disappointing and exhilarating at the same time — to feel so insanely underprepared despite all the work I put in, but excited to see what could happen.
I put a lot of trust in myself in those few seconds before I started talking — trust that no matter how this would end up, that I would either screw it up and learn a helluva lot about myself, or stick the landing.
It was a win-win scenario under that perspective, even if the downside was a blow to my ego.
I stuck the landing and did the only perfect run of my TEDx talk amongst 500 runs of my talk. I never repeated it again.
Thank goodness that someone was recording it when it happened.
I still have anxiety dreams about this experience — the dream always ends up with me going up on stage and forgetting all of my lines.
Even though the situation ended positively, it didn’t make the struggle of the other 499 runs disappear. Struggle is painful, but it’s also a sign that you’re trying really freaking hard.
Struggle reminds you that you’re doing something big, something expansive that‘s going to stretch you a little taller than you were before.
Before my TEDx talk, the longest keynote speech I had memorized was 2 minutes long. So 8 minutes was an insane stretch — my practice runs proved that I wasn’t ready for the undertaking. I had a moment of mercy from the keynote gods who let me get through the talk when it was go-time.
The intensity of the experience frightened me, pushed me, and accelerated my growth.
I think my recurring anxiety dream exists as a reminder to keep taking big leaps and to keep creating situations where I’m stretching.
If you’re not doing scary things, if you’re not trying really freaking hard in this life, how will you know how far you can stretch?
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